I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
vagina is talking i cant
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
