I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
