if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
