She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
