we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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