we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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