he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
