Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
