I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
