which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
last night I used snow as a chaser
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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