I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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