"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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