we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
