the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i barfeds in our rink
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
