i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We are two peas in an std pod
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
