honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What drink are we having for lunch?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
