they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
