This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
