we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
