Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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