just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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