All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
