it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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