i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
