i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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