The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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