2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
