I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
