if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
