I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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