My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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