wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
