I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
