Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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