sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
