Kiss
Puke
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
