I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I love having hate sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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