2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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