i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
