ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
this boner is exhausting
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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