i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
