My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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