when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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