Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
