After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
