apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
