Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
