A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
