you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So squirting runs in the family.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
