omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
