and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
