Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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