How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
