3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
