We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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