just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
